I feel like I’m about to expose a dirty little secret; but the funny
thing is, the people it applies to think it’s common knowledge! But
this knowledge is purely cosmetic, so any male followers out there may
not be so interested in this post
(I don’t think I have any male followers…have these past posts been
too feminine, or is following a blog a mostly female thing to do?)
When I was getting ready to come to Africa I thought a little bit
about my hair. I wondered if I should cut it short again or keep
letting it grow out as I had been attempting for a year or so. I
thought about the pictures I’d seen of women in Africa. I hadn’t seen
very many. Most were of Emmanuel’s sisters who were taken when they
were in college or high school and showed their hair shaved very
short. I had heard also that their hair was “hard” and very different
from Obroni hair, so styling products and hairdressers who could work
with my hair would be in short supply. I also thought if I had long
hair I’d stand out even more. I figured it’d be easiest just to cut it
short again (not to mention help with the climate change), so I did:
cute little layered bob.
Then we arrived. After initial culture shock started to wear off, I
looked around and noticed the women around me. They had beautiful
hair! And so much variety too! Long hair, short hair, tight curls,
loose waves, straight…I was very impressed! I thought “I must’ve had
the wrong idea about African hair!” In fact, there was so much
beautiful long hair that my short hair stood out as unusual.
Then I started to notice something funny: There were lots of hair
changes. Drastic hair changes. People who I’d met last week with long
rasta braids would now have ropey dreadlocks. Or someone with long
curly hair would show up a month later with short straight hair. Or,
even weirder, vice versa. It made recognizing all these new friends
even more difficult, having to rely only on basic face shape, and
almost ignoring hair when I tried to remember names and people. I
should’ve started to pick up on it quicker, but it wasn’t until my
sister in law clued me in that I realized the scandalous truth:
It’s all fake.
Most of the hair I see here is a variety of wigs, extensions,
attachments, weaves, etc. The hair (real hair, coming from India or
Brazil, or fake hair made from nylon) is glued on, sewn in, or put on
like a hat! Women change their hairstyles every week if they have the
time and money, but almost everyone I’ve seen here changes their hair
once or twice a month. At first I thought that was because they wanted
to try new styles and sometimes that’s so, but also I’ve learned that
most extensions start to look pretty awful after a few weeks. So you
either wear a head scarf (a perfectly acceptable and stylish thing
here) or go to the salon. At the salon (or you can do some of these
treatments at home if you have a friend or sister who knows how) you
apply harsh chemicals to your scalp to unglue the old fake hair, which
tend to make your scalp tingle and burn as you sit there (this is the
story I get from my sisters here, I haven’t tried it myself). Or if
you still use your own hair you can “relax” it by applying a relaxer,
a hair product usually made from lye (ouch!) to make the hard stiff
strands loose and slippery like Obroni hair. I haven’t seen that
really work anywhere except in the TV ads, and even then I have my
suspicions that the models are using extensions.
It was so funny when I first learned all this, my sisters here
wondered why I was so appalled by all the deception and subterfuge.
I’m not really sure on this point, weigh in if you have a contrary
opinion (maybe it’s just the home I was raised in), but in America, to
use fake hair is something you don’t admit to. You want to keep that
quiet. I know some women use extensions but I think it’s pretty few,
and if you use them, you don’t admit it. And talk about embarrassing
if you toupe or wig goes askew or falls off! But here, it’s pretty
much accepted that everyone practices hair disguises with zero guilt,
embarrassment, or explanations!
On the one hand, this helps me understand why Emmanuel kept suggesting
I “change my hair” every month or so when we were first married; he
was used to seeing his mom and other women change their hair all the
time! Whereas for me, I’d had the same hairstyle pretty much all my
teenage years and through college: Long. After my first attempt at
pleasing my husband with a drastically new hairstyle, only to have him
request another dramatic change a few months later…well, you can
imagine the confusion! Yet another part of our marriage I understand
better after being here!
I’ve tried describe why it seems so duplicitous to me to always be
using fake hair but my explanations were falling flat until I
remembered my mom teaching me why she didn’t think it was a good idea
for me to color my hair strawberry blond when I was 12. “It’s
expensive, it’s not good for your hair, and worst of all, it isn’t
you. How about we find ways to make your hair look nice without dying
it?” I like that explanation still.
What an interesting post! I was intrigued when you said in America you don't admit to having fake hair. My experience has been that people who are of mixed races of African American use weaves, wigs, relaxers, etc. and are very open about it. It's probably really hard to get a hold of, but the documentary "Good Hair" is really interesting and sheds a lot of light on the subject. My sister Lori has decided not to have her daughter Avery's hair relaxed, and she said she gets flack about it from other African American women. Anyway, I love reading your thoughts and staying connected through the blog! Micah doesn't use the internet because he's a neanderthal, but I always sum up your posts for him. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is a funny post! I learned this when I lived in the Sacramento California area and had some African American friends who clued me in. I think it's very common here in the States we just don't often get close enough to find out because, like you said, it's not something we talk about here.
ReplyDeleteI suppose part of it is, especially in LDS culture, we're encouraged to "accept ourselves." And somehow changing your hair every week doesn't seem to fit in with the standard "accept yourself" routine. But then again, we change clothes daily. Even the most conservative among us probably purchases or somehow acquires at least a few new clothing articles per year that we change out regularly in hopes of looking fresher, better, etc. And I guess in a country where not only is your natural hair difficult to care for, but the environment also makes hair care difficult (humidity anyone?), changing your hair would become kind of like changing your shirt. I know a lot of American women get their nails done every other week. I have never done it because it just sounds like a hassle (and expensive!), but it kind of makes you think how much different is that than hair?
ReplyDeleteHow funny and difficult that you had to memorize people without using their hairstyle!
I learned about that on my mission to Georgia, where I was able to see a lady putting the extensions on her daughter. It was a time-consuming process! I pretty much had the same reaction--"Oh! It's not REAL!". Haha. Cute post.
ReplyDelete